Taking Up Space: Breaking Free From the Zoom Quadrant

Remote work isn't for everyone.

I found this journal entry from February 2024, written during a particularly hard time. It’s funny and sometimes charming to see what past Sara was thinking and feeling. The older I get, the more I learn to trust my own intuition, but these growing pains are still a necessary part of getting there.

From my journal:

I’ll admit, I have become a bit demystified with becoming an adult. My entire life, I couldn’t wait to be a “grown-up” and do things my way. Welp, now that I am about as officially grown up as one can be, just shy of having a kid of my own, I have to say this way of life is not my cup of tea.

Like, what the hell is this? When did everything get so boring and mundane and repetitive?

I can’t stand it.

I miss learning for the sake of learning and spending time with my friends and peers in a variety of settings. I miss collaborating (even though I was always leading/doing most of the work in any group setting, let’s be honest), and I miss feeling valued and excited.

That has not happened in a while. I guess I just miss being a part of something that isn’t about me, myself, and I.

*End

Looking back on this journal entry, it’s pretty clear that I was (and still am) searching for a bigger meaning. A common thread that tied me to others. There is something so grounding about being a part of something bigger than yourself, and I have never stopped searching for it.

At the time of this entry, I was working a fully remote 9-to-5 job while freelancing on the side. Turns out, being a remote worker was absolutely terrible for my mental health. Go figure!

While working from home is wonderful for so many people, it made me feel incredibly obsolete. Like I was a piece of dust floating through time and space, I know it sounds dramatic (and it is), but it is also true.

But trying and hating fully remote work was an important lesson for me to learn. It helped me realize how much I thrive off of people’s energy that you just can’t get through a screen.

I like taking up space with people. And it just so happens that I need that space to be bigger than my small little quadrant on a Zoom call. Sue me!

Working for a large Fortune 500 company tucked away in my third-floor walkup apartment felt a lot like being Rapunzel stuck in her tower. I wanted to let my hair down and have someone save me from my Teams screen, which I obsessively kept green.

I actually think that Teams and Slack are forms of Chinese water torture, by the way.

The funny thing is, I used to feel guilty about my discontent with my corporate job. Some days, I would spiral into full-blown panic attacks, shaking and crying because I didn’t want to sit at my computer in my own house for 8 hours, toggling my mouse.

Ironically enough, my manager at this job will probably be the best I ever have. She was kind and supportive, and my female coworkers were great women. But our relationship existed only through a screen. And with the tangible world happening right outside my window, I felt like I was missing it.

Missing life.

Some will say that I should have been happy about the modern wonders of remote work, that I could do all of my work from the comfort of my sofa. A dream come true! Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that remote work is an amazing opportunity for so many people, especially working parents who never have enough time in the day. But everyone is different.

And the fact is, it just didn’t work for me! The setup isolated me from my immediate community, and that is something I cannot live without.

Can anyone else relate to these feelings? Or am I the only person who shriveled up with a remote job? Seriously, let me know.

xo Sara